THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

What is the most important and best thing a man can do for his children?  

Last week our beautiful mother, Gloria Herbert, died after many years of ill health.  This week I pay tribute to her and to our father, Jim Herbert, for his contributions to her extraordinary life and to the lives of their uri (descendants).    

Apparently when she married him, our mum could neither boil water nor milk a cow. But under the tutelage of our dad and his kuia and kaumātua, and motivated by her own drive for excellence, she became a confident farming partner, astute businesswoman, and skilled homemaker. 

Our mother was, by nature, an intellectual destined for public life.  Initially her sphere was our dad and us.  But at her funeral, Pa Henare Tate very appropriately based his kauhau (sermon) on the parable of the talents, because throughout her life she not only used and honed the God-given talents she was born with, she obtained many others besides. 

As she grew, her talents overflowed to bless her hapū and iwi until, eventually, she became nationally and internationally active.

There were challenges and tragedies along the way for our mum, the hardest being having to deal with the backbiting and gossip that all public figures in New Zealand endure at times.  However, endure it she did, with dad’s support.

At the end of mortality, mum’s resume is broad and deep.  To reflect that, we chose Proverbs 31:10 – 31 as the reading for her funeral because it describes her to a T.  He wahine purotu, he wahine humarie, he wahine matauranga, he wahine toa (a pleasant, gentle, skilled and strong woman).

Those who came to the tangihanga bore witness to what our mother had done, endured and achieved.  But our father’s presence beside her bore witness to how she had done it. 

Shortly after her own father’s death in 1986, mum wrote in her diary, “Jim is the anchor who both grounds me and allows me to fly high and far.” 

If there is one incident that epitomises that, it was at a hui in the 1960s when, in the middle of her korero, a man told mum, “E noho! Turituri!” (Sit down! Shut up!)  And then pointed at our dad and said, “Kei kōnā to mangai!”  (There’s your mouth!)  At which our dad stood and said with uncompromising steel in his voice, “My wife has her own voice.”

Kahore tō mātou pāpā e kī mai ki a tātou, me pēhea te tū o tō mātou wairua. He wairua kē tōna, ōku noa i titiro ki ōna pūāwaitanga.  Our father never told us how our spirit should stand. He had a spirit of his own, and we simply watched its actions blossom.

The best thing our father ever did for us, his daughters and his sons, was to steadfastly and faithfully love our mother.  

We will continue to love and honour him as he loved and honoured her.  That is the most important thing.