THE CHOICE TO CARE

I have written in the past and at length about child abuse.  Today my focus is upon elder abuse, especially where those elders are no longer able to care for themselves.

Age Concern defines neglect and abuse as a single or repeated act, or lack of appropriate action, occurring within any relationship where there is an expectation of trust and care, which causes harm or distress to an older person. 

Because there are more examples of abuse and neglect than there is space in this post, here are only four representative, but real, cases of physical, emotional, financial and sexual abuse of elders.

The whanaunga (relation) who has barged into the home of a kuia to verbally abuse and physically intimidate her over some perceived offense; that whanaunga is a bully and an abuser.

The paid caregiver who has told a continent but non-ambulatory kuia to mimi and tiko herself instead of asking to be taken to the toilet, thus breaching the HDC Code of Health and Disability Services Consumers' Rights Regulation 1996; that’s not a caregiver, that’s a bully and an abuser.

The people who have pressured an elder for financial gain, such as giving a loan, selling their house or letting a family member move in for free; those people are not caregivers, they’re bullies and abusers. 

Predators who have exploited the elderly for sexual gratification are not only abusers, they are criminals worthy of the harshest penalties enforceable. 

What can you and I do about elder abuse?  First of all we can get really clear about what it is and what it looks like.  Age Concern and others have published some of the signs to watch for. 

Any unexplained injuries, bruises, fractures, or even something like broken spectacles can be a sign of physical abuse. 

Sudden changes in behaviour by an older person that mimic dementia such as rocking, sucking, or mumbling to oneself can indicate emotional abuse.

Bruises around breasts or genitals, vaginal or anal bleeding, torn, stained, or bloody underclothing; these are consistent with sexual abuse. 

Sudden changes in the elder’s financial condition like unpaid bills when they have enough money to pay, or ATM withdrawals when the account holder is bedridden, these may signify financial abuse.

If you suspect elder abuse is happening, please tell someone you trust, because silence can be a killer.  And if you see or know an elder is being abused, do not hesitate to call Age Concern and the Police.

In their 2004 paper, Drs Mere Kēpa, Paul Reynolds and Ratana Walker of Ngā Pae o te Maramatanga at The University of Auckland, argued that if a community cannot care for its most vulnerable members, then the community has lost the capacity and capability to care for itself.

We cannot be ‘a little bit abusive’ or ‘a tad neglectful’ of our elders.  We can be either givers of trust and care to them, or bullies and abusers of them.   Which will we choose to be?