EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH AND HOPE

When I hold my pre-school mokopuna I do not want to believe anyone could ever hit their beautiful little bodies hard enough to rip their inner organs in half. When I look upon my grandsons I do not want to imagine them being groomed and manipulated by an adult they trust and admire for that adult’s sexual gratification.

Even to think or write of such things sickens and saddens me. And yet happen they did to children from this area, and happening they likely still are – to someone somewhere. So, apart from helping me process the unwanted and unimaginable, my emotions aren’t a lot of use. What then can I do or say that is of use? Only share my own experience, strength and hope. That’s all. Take what you can use from it and and leave the rest.

To begin, in my experience the main threats to our children’s safety are the presence of one or more of three things; alcohol and drugs, multiple partners, poor or no tikanga mātua whāngai.

Human beings plus alcohol always struck me as a very unattractive mix. I never saw it improve even the nicest adult, including me. When dak and other drugs came on the scene the mix just got uglier. As a parent, I chose not to bring any of them into the life of my uri. I’ve never regretted that choice.

Nor have I ever regretted the choice I made as a young solo mother to be very picky about who I let into her life.  I saw too many of my mates’ tamariki learn to love a new “uncle” or “daddy” only to have him abuse them or their mum (or both) and then leave for a prison cell or another woman.

In my experience there are more good people than bad ones in this world, but I made sure to teach my girl about “good touch, bad touch”.  And I didn’t pussyfoot around with euphemisms either.  I told it straight and made sure she understood, even though she sometimes blushed. 

Nor did I hesitate if I sensed a threat.  I happily promised to flatten the teacher who took her, without my permission, from her class at one school to a course at another.  He never did it again.  Nor did the church leader I similarly warned for interviewing her without my knowledge. She was embarassed. But so what?  No-one ever died of embarassment.  I apologised to the teacher who later proved to be OK.  I never felt the need to apologise to the church leader.   

I made lots of mistakes as a parent, but I thank God that I never erred on the side of an abuser.

Tēnā ko tēnei, ka he i tētahi tāngata tētahi o ēnei mea nonohi e whakapono nei ki ahau, nui ke te pai ki a ia me i whakawerewerea ki tōna kakī te kōhatu mira kaihe, me i pungaia ia ki te rire o te moana. [Matthew 18:6]