BEING A WOMAN

My sister recently told me she dines out on my reputation as the second most-hated woman in the north.  Guess who is apparently number one on her informant’s list?  My initial response was to ask her to tell him to get it right, my gender has nothing to do with it, but then I corrected myself.  Certainly my gender shouldn’t have anything to do with it.  Engari, the record does indicate otherwise. 

In the 1990s when I lead Te Rarawa’s land claims, the messages ranged from mild to malevolent.  I got told, “The problem with your iwi is that it’s lead by a woman,” and had all the usual animal labels hurled my way; and that was just on iwi talkback.  The late night calls to my home number were nowhere near as nice and revealed very unhealthy male attitudes towards sex and sexuality.  Although I never responded in kind, I felt soiled by those callers.  It was as if they’d reached through the phone line and left dirty fingerprints on my spirit. 

Not a lot has changed since.  In fact in some ways the situation has gotten worse because the violators are now often as not actively supported by their women. 

I have a mate who leads her iwi.  Throughout 2009 she used to regularly get phone calls on her home phone from a male counterpart of another iwi who held a high position on an iwi forum.  When she refused to bow to his directions, which ran counter to those of her people, the content of those calls became unprintable and often targeted her gender.  When a complaint was laid with the forum by her people, apart from the few women leaders on there, the uniform response from the men was to keep him in his high position.  In fact it wasn’t until he upset one of her male iwi members that they finally removed him.  But the worse thing was that his partner, a woman who had intimate experience of his violence, defended him ferociously and blamed my mate. 

Now that we’re both married, neither she nor I get those kinds of calls at our homes any longer.  But we still get the messages outside hui, in car parks, on facebook and anywhere anonymous or opaque, that what is most offensive to a number of our detractors is our womanhood. 

Pākehā label this dis-ease with women “sexism” and respond with “feminism”.  I call it colonialised cowardice and respond with laughter.  I have recently started advising such men to grow themselves a female reproductive part because, in the words of the great Betty White, unlike its male counterpart, it can take a pounding. 

Really, I have no problems with being the second most hated person in the rohe.  But be prepared to debate why, and let it be for reasons other than my being a woman.