THE UNBROKEN CHAIN

Our three year old grand-daughter has started negotiating and debating with the adults in her life, and we love it. Almost all her sentences start with simple questions like, “How come?” “What if?” “Why-ee?” She genuinely does want to know and understand everything, and why not?

Sometimes her constant questions just make the adults in her life hoha. Other times there either is no ready answer, or the answer is more baffling than the original question. But she never stops asking anyway, and that’s awesome. Her inquiring mind, coupled with a good heart and clean hands will stand her in good stead in a world that is getting madder by the hour.

I remember doing the same with my adults when I was a kid and meeting the same mixed reception. But the ones who were most patient with me were my grandparents, both Māori and Pākehā. I’ve taken note that my parents have been similarly kind with our kids, and now it’s our turn. There truly is no such thing as a generation gap between grandparents and grandchildren.

I believe that our whānau is the root and the wellspring of our society and if it is poisoned or twisted, so too will our children be, and society will become less and less safe for us or anyone else. Hence the importance of constantly asking and being asked simple questions whose power lies in the fact that they signal a desire to understand and a willingness to listen. But at the same time they challenge the one being asked the question to confront their own attitudes, positions, thoughts, words and actions.

My husband and I keep all our mokopuna in mind in everything we think, say and do because already we hear them saying with absolute conviction, “My nanna said,” or “My papa and me did...” This reminds us daily how incredibly important it is for us to give them a consistent pattern of being, not perfect, but very honest in our imperfections as we move towards perfection. It reminds us that most of what we do and say is actually done and spoken to these mokopuna, both the born and the unborn. And that’s awesome too.

As every grandparent who survives their own parenting years knows, watching that same process stretch their adult children provides great delight. But always I try to remember to regularly ask simple questions of myself as well. That way I can better strengthen my part of the unbroken chain that makes up the human family. Mauri ora!